Tonight when I saw the pastor on my way home I made a statement that I didn't really think about until I got home and was cooking dinner! Here was the statement. "Today was a day form HELL", I am just here to tell you Pastor. After I got home and was cooking I thought about that. My mind plays tricks on me so I began to wonder wow what did he think of me when I said that. Then I got in defense mode- I thought well if he doesn't like me well forget it. I don't care.
Well, the fact of the matter is I do care or I wouldn't have even been in there where I could have seen him. Secondly, was today really a day from hell or was it that my attitude and thinking is all screwed up? I am not sure how to answer that.
What I do know is a few things- 1st of all- ALL CONFUSION comes from the devil. So where I have made efforts in making my life right with God and others satan is having a hayday, let me tell you.
I am trying to move on but today I am here to tell you I was under his foot. It has left me very depressed and wondering is it worth all of this? I am confused, and bitter. I am upset because I feel betrayed in my mind but my heart says keep going. Somewhere inside of me it says this time is it, keep going- another part of me says forget it, it hurts too much...
Tonight I am trying to pray. It is hard, I am alone, I am scared and I am down.
God please come in and sweep over my soul. Take these feelings away. Help me to know you are there, and help me to except the help you are trying to give me.
God I love you and without you I am nothing, Tonight at this moment I feel like nothing!
Until next time-