Today as I sit and blog it is a sad blog. It is also 12 23a.m. So if you aren't up for it; stop NOW!
I know as a mom of three wonderful girls I should be excited about the holidays. And although I have tried- I can't get there. I spent friday night and saturday trying to get motivated. Friday I started decorating the church. I took my old branch by branch tree and put it up. I thought surely it would help. I have fond memories of a "branch by branch" tree with my daddy. But no such luck. Saturday we had the Christmas parade and my girls had a blast. We rode on the float with my school kiddos, but I still couldn't get there. Immediately following the parade- I went to choir practice and we spent the next 3 hours finishing the church. It looks beautiful and I was glad to help, but I came home to find myself even more depressed than ever. Today there was church and I was overwhelmed with depression, fear and doubt. Noone knew becasue that is how I roll. I had no plans to go to church tonight becasue I was in such a funk. Tonight after an afternoon of events I finished cleaning. I am still up at nearly 12:30 a.m so there is no telling what I will do. My physical body is tired, but cannot find rest and my mental mind is running!
We have been on a rollar coaster of emotions lately, with Mikel and other things in our lives. I have given them to the Lord but I am not sure if I pick it back up or if satan throws a harder ball. Someone said today- wow God surely must have a big plan for you, because satan is working over time- well I don't know about that but I know I am trying to trust my heavenly father.
He has given me a great inherited family-, my own family is wonderful, a great group of co workers, great church and great friends. And for that I am thankful.
I don't like this funk, and I am not sure how to get out of it. I never know what might strike it up from the inside, but I know who can help me through. I just needed a little time to vent, cry and weep as I write this blog.
I know tomorrow is a new day. And for that I am so grateful.
I am praying I can take this week, to slow down, enjoy my kids, take in the time we have together each night and get rested as the week goes on.
The preacher said something today and I think I have grasped it--- You have to have peace within yourself with God, in order to make it through whatever comes your way. If you have that peace with God, then HE will help you through whatever comes!
Until next time!